Zuma addresses the nation about its state

I must have been deep in sleep when I heard a voice saying, "Floyd, Floyd, wake up, for your President requests". I woke up, but still half asleep, or was it half awake? It was at a time when my President, J. Gedleyihlekisa was saying something about his predecessor, T. Mvuyelwa Mbeki aka the dude who 'used' to be important until Malema existed.

The words, in my half awakeness, or half asleepness, were as thus, and I quote, "This is evidenced by the presence here of our icon Madiba, who laid the foundation for the country's achievements, and that of former President Thabo Mbeki, and now this is the really interesting part, the speech goes on, 'who built on that foundation, and then fired me." What? I thought, still in my half asleep half awake land.

After that I was so devastated at Zuma's lack of reconciliatory skills, and my girlfriend, who, by the way, was wide awake, told me that I had heard Zuma wrong and that actually he said nothing of the sort. She insisted that he just stopped when he said "Former President Thabo Mbeki who built on that foundation." Is it possible that Zuma still harbours a grudge against a man who sacked him out of office one day? I love South Africa.

I really do. Apparently, no, actually the history books tells of how FW. de Klerk's government jailed uTata Madiba (the internationally respected icon whose very own grandson is apparently already making moolah attached to his death, source? Snuki Zikalala) only to one day be his deputy, or one of his deputies, or were they called Vice Presidents then?

Then Umzukulu kaNxamalala as Zuma is affectionately received by those closer to him (read Mbalula, Malema, Blade et al) was excused from his duties by Mbeks (a pathetic sounding reference to Mr. Renaissance), and then the tables turned when on that fateful Saturday afternoon, Mbeks was officially certified dead ... well, I mean politically, or did that happen in Polokwane?

Well whatever the case, you just got to love South Africa. And then Zuma goes on (by the way, I'm still not soberly out of sleep here), and he says, "Crime, like freedom of expression, is the cornerstone of our government." "What?" I shouted again, very loudly. "Baby what's up?", said my girlfriend, dumbfounded as they come. I then related what I 'heard' Zuma say in his speech, the very one we're supposed to be watching together. "But what's wrong with that?", she asked before telling me that he (Zuma) didn't say that, and that she feared that I might be 'seeing' things, or hearing them, or both. She then went on to tell me what she heard him say, something to the nature of the following quote, "the fight against poverty remains the cornerstone of our government's focus".

Now I was starting to sober up a bit, but couldn't help thinking that he could have said something of that nature since many in his government, Julius included, are well known talk shops who just talk twaak for nothing really. Now back to my sick opinions about the speech. I was looking at that screen only so I could analyse, like those guys such as Friedman (Steven), Malala (Justice) and many more who thought COPE was capable of running a nation, like really now? Now let me quote someone who knows very little about SA politics, a Brazilian national called Joel Natilino Santana, he of the I-know-English only when we win games fame.

That dude, and I quote him from an interview he had with a weekly soccer publication, and he said, "Support all the players who have been selected". He (Santana) was referring to the noise he's had to deal with about the players he chose for the Confed Cup (read we'll lose early and support our favourite European players).

Santana could easily have been talking for Zuma about the cabinet he's chosen to take mzansi forward. As a recent believer in Zuma and his people in higher positions of governance, I have a request to all the people of South Africa, let's rally behind the people who've been chosen by a coach we have trusted in the polls, and this time it's not a Brazilian guy who only speaks impeccable English when it suits him, but a man from rural Nkandla, a simple tribesman like me, and his name is very simple and popular today, Jacob Gedleyihlekisa Zuma. A man of all seasons indeed, a man who proved to all of us that indeed seasons come to pass.

Rudzani Floyd Musekwa is a senior Journalism and Media student at Rhodes University, and he writes in his personal capacity as a sick man in need of some serious upstairs inspection, just like the recently famous MK War Veterans, as foul mouthed as Julius Malema (only a bit reasoned).

First published by The Mail & Guardian (SA)